


Not to dare is to lose oneself

by resurrectionfromashes



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Affection, Bathing/Washing, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:01:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28923255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resurrectionfromashes/pseuds/resurrectionfromashes
Summary: Richard wanted to take care of Thomas, in every way possible. Thomas couldn't complain.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	Not to dare is to lose oneself

_"Bordering on the avant-garde."_

_Ianto Jones, Torchwood_

"You didn't really resign, did you?" Richard asked worried over the man reclining on his bed.

"Only time will tell," Thomas looked at him straight in the eyes for the first time since he came into, Richard’s home. Richard saw dark bags under his eyes and a face paler than usual. He often missed the tanned man he met years ago. 

"But what has happened?"

"Lady Mary found fault in my work."

"What fault?"

"Who knows? She didn't specify. I'm no Carson, am I?" he drawled assuredly. "I'm being sabotaged by my own staff, I am."

Richard snorted trying to cover his laughter. "You don't believe this. They all adore you."

"Maybe it's black magic. Carson blackmails them with all their dark secrets."

"What dark secrets does Molesley have?"

"Maybe he's a werewolf?"

"Thomas," Richard reproached him. He slid closer to him on the bed and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. 

Thomas nuzzled at his neck and breathed deeply. He snaked his arms around Richard's waist. "I missed you." 

"Is there really any problem in Downton?"

"No! His Lordship took the children for a few days in the seaside, Lady Mary and her husband took off somewhere and Mrs. Hughes saw me tired and told me they could deal without me for a day or two.” 

Richard's fingers grazed Thomas' jaw and lifted his head to stare down on him. "You look as if you came on foot."

"It's been a couple of difficult weeks, they were. I haven't been sleeping well."

"I'll draw you a bath and then I'll help you relax." 

Thomas was on the verge of falling asleep when Richard came back, shirt open on the neck and sleeves rolled up, a towel thrown carelessly over his shoulder.

He took Thomas' left hand and unclasped his glove. Eyes on Thomas', he brought the hand to his mouth, his lips sliding over the old wound, his breath tickling the sensitive skin. 

Thomas closed his eyes and groaned. "You're killing me, here."

"No I'm not." Richard stood on his feet and pulled Thomas up with him. "By the time," he undid a button of his shirt and kissed the newly revealed skin. "I'm done with you, you will be sleeping like a baby." With each button he undid, his lips met pale skin. 

Thomas shivered when Richard's hands started exploring his abdomen over his vest. 

"I may push you back to the bed, have my way with you and leave the bath for later…” his hands untucked Thomas’ vest from his trousers and his warm palms touched his abdomen playing with the soft dark hair, “but I should have thought that sooner." He leaned over and his lips lingered under Thomas’ belly button, fingers massaging gently both sides.

He looked at Thomas’ face, seeing him blushing. He sat back on his feet, and smirked. “I miss the tan, but the blush is a beautiful exchange.” He stood and pulled Thomas with him. “Come, love.”

“What is this smell?”

“It’s the soap,” Richard edged close to him and helped him remove his trousers and socks. His fingers caressed the inside of Thomas’ legs up to his thighs as he stood slowly. He smiled at the other man in an appealing way. “Get settled.” Richard went to get a new soap bar and when he turned around Thomas was inside the tub, signing deeply, knees against his chest. 

“Shy, are we?”

“Shut up!” He rested his head against the edge of the tub and it was an odd spectacle, trying to cover both his back and front and groaning in pain.

“Thomas? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just,” he sighed and closed his eyes. “As I said, it’s been difficult lately. And I had an accident. That’s all.”

“Accident?” Richard picked up a flannel, dipped it in the warm water and worked a good lather. He gazed all over Thomas’ body and decided to begin with his neck startling Thomas out of his reverie.

“I can wash myself.”

“I’m sure. Now tell me what happened?” 

“Got hit by the car,” he mumbled, looking down at his hands, rubbing his right palm gently. 

Richard stopped his administrations as he sat carelessly down on the tiles. “You did what?”

“Mr. Branson didn’t see me. Well, he didn’t see the children and when i realised it I tried to pull them out of the way, and by the time he saw us he couldn’t stop. But he wasn’t going fast, so it wasn’t bad.”

“When did this happen?”

“The beginning of the month. It’s alright now, it only hurts in movement. Had worse before,” Thomas cajoled and Richard kneeled to lean forward, a quick glance to his lover’s wrists. His gaze quickly went to Thomas’ chest, the dark fine hair was dotted with droplets of water, his pectorals defined with muscles. He worked the flannel down the pale skin leaving lather behind. 

“Lean forward, darling.” He held back his sighing upon seeing the bruises on the back, already turning a yellowish green. He kept the touch gentle, brushing tenderly. “It must have been painful.” He felt Thomas shrugging beneath his hands and he squeezed his shoulder gently.

Richard took another cloth, and pushed Thomas’s head gently back. He washed his face, starting from the eyes and moving to the cheeks, enjoying seeing the blush there. He leaned and kissed the moist skin. He used his fingertips and with slow, small circular strokes he stimulated the point between Thomas’ straight nose and full upper lip. He worked slowly upwards along the prominent rosy cheekbones, the temples and the high forehead. His chest swelled with affection and tenderness towards the man who permitted him to be so intimate with him. 

It had taken a lot of time to be there, Thomas pliable to his ministrations. He wrapped his arms around Thomas’ shoulders from behind, his palms on Thomas’ chest, holding tight, his shirt sleeves clinging to his skin, revelling in his warmth, in the fact he was there with him. “Should I wash your hair,” he breathed on the wet, sensitive skin.

“No need.” Richard took a deep breath and true enough, Thomas’ hair had the distinctive citrusy smell of cleanliness. 

“Some other day.” Thomas nodded. Richard felt the soft hair, clear of grenadine, moving against his chest .Whith another kiss on Thomas’ lips, Richard stood and moved to the other side of the tub. Taking Thomas’ foot, he cradled the heel in his hands.

“What are you doing,” asked Thomas, his eyes half closed.

“You’ll see.” He worked his hands around the perimeter of the foot using firm strokes, massaging the anklebone, his gaze never leaving Thomas’ face. “Your feet are soft, sensitive to the touch, like the rest of you. Does it feel nice, love?”

The nod was the only answer he would get. Placing both thumbs inside the arch of Thomas’ lean foot, with show, circular motions, he worked his way up to the ball, backed down to the heel, keeping his breathing slowly, and back and forth in the middle of the arch. 

_  
  
_

He felt Thomas’ shudders and raised the foot close to him to work his way to the base of Thomas’ toes , to slowly kiss the anklebone before letting it rest inside the water and moving to repeat the ritual to the other foot, enjoying Thomas’ wide-eyed appreciation. 

Having Thomas nude in the water with Richard worshipping his body when merely a year ago the man would have shied in the corner was a development made true by Richard’s patience and his own lack of shame. 

Richard took the flannel and passed it tenderly through Thomas’ calves and knees, his fingers lightly touching the inside of his legs and thighs and underneath the knees. He helped Thomas on his feet and cleaned the foam off his body with warm water from the basin.

He gave Thomas a towel. “I’ll clean up here and be right with you.’ His lips brushed Thomas’, and taking the towel from the limp hands, he wrapped it around his hips as Thomas slid up his hand up to cup his cheek, drawing him in for another kiss.

_  
  
_

It was ten minutes later when he went back to the bedroom. Thomas was on the bed, dressed in his pyjamas, and a quilt pulled up to his waist. “You got dressed.”

“You are pouting.”

“That’s not the point,” said Richard, raising his hands up in the air.

“I thought we were just saying the obvious,” replied Thomas, a glint in his eyes. 

Richard stepped around and sat down, lying on the bed on his side, gazing fondly at Thomas’ open face. “Hello! How are you feeling?”

“Better, really. Thank you,” Thomas’ voice had the same quality as back then, abashedly happy by a key ring on his palm. Richard raised his hand to caress his cheek and Thomas leaned into the touch. He leaned toward him, brushing his mouth across Thomas’ in a sweet, soft kiss of just lips against lips. 

Thomas signed into the kiss, teasing Richard’s mouth, licking the corners and over the seam. Both men were breathless when they separated, leaning forehead to forehead, eyes glowing.

_  
  
_

“Thank you.”

“What for?” Richard pushed Thomas’ hair off his forehead.

“For taking care of me,” Richard caressed Thomas’ eyelids with the back of his fingers. “I don’t remember the last time…” He paused and Richard took the opportunity to claim his mouth again in a kiss that left no doubt he would take care of Thomas. Again and again. For as long as Thomas would let him.

_  
  
_

“Are you tired?” Richard’s hands traveled down underneath Thomas’ pyjama top to touch his side. “Or can we help you relax more?” Richard straddled Thomas and took Thomas’ mouth in a slow kiss, his fingers unbuttoning his top.

“You are trying to seduce me, you are,” said Thomas breathlessly.

“And how am I doing, darling?”

“Admirably.”

Richard kissed Thomas, large palms caressing his sides lightly, feathering over the healing skin. Thomas didn’t stay idle, nuzzling and nibbling Richard’s neck, one stroking his chest, fingers moving over his nipples, teasing the hard buds.

“Thomas!” Richard looked down at his lover’s flushed face, thinking his own wasn’t far off. He gripped Thomas’ wrists gently and pushed them down on the bed on either side of Thomas’ head. He leaned down and his mouth wandered on the pale skin, a silver scar there to remind him how happy he was that Thomas had survived. “Let me, alright?” His breath tickled Thomas’ skin. “Let me. This is for you, sweetheart. I want to make you feel good, to love you,” he mumbled against the stubble-rough skin of Thomas’ throat. “I will have to shave you…” he said out of nowhere. 

“Shave me?” Thomas snorted with laughter. “How romantic! Like a valet?”

“Like a lover.”

Thomas titled his head back on the pillow, allowing Richard a better accent to his jawline and throat. Richard his way down Thomas’ throat, pausing to nip gentle at the tender skin on the collarbone, licking it gently to soothe. “You taste so good. Sweet. Lovely. Could spend all night and day licking you all over.”

Thomas’ blush travelled down his collarbone, making a fetching image. Richard’s mouth chased after it, sweeping his tongue down Thomas’ chest, wetting the hair, hands pushing Thomas’ wrists down on the mattress. “I am going to spend all night pleasuring you.” He smiled, raising an eyebrow cheekily at Thomas’ wide eyes. 

Oh he had no idea how filthy Richard could become. 

He licked the right nipple, already erect by his actions, his tongue drawing a wet circle around the areola and blew across it watching it tightening more feeling Thomas jump beneath his loving touch. “All mine.” He sucked gently, then increased the pressure until his love writhed under him, arching into his mouth. He dragged his tongue to the left nipple paying it the same attention. “So alluring, seductive…” His teeth grazed the tip of the sensitive nipple and Thomas groaned, his breathing pulsating through Richard’s chest.

“‘M not seductive,” he mumbled, biting his lip.

“But I beg to differ.” He reached up to take Thomas’ mouth in a slow kiss, tongue trailing slowly along the red lips. “Now, let me do my job.”

“Stop smirking, then.” He raised his scarred hand touching down Richard’s face. Richard turned his face into that palm, catching a finger between his lips, lavishing the digit with his tongue, watching as Thomas’ mouth parted, his grey eyes going dark as his breathing grew heavy.

“Never,” he breathed heavily. Thomas licked his lips as he watched Richard sucking his finger, his tongue swirling around the knuckles before moving to press kisses to his scarred palm and downwards enjoying every reaction he got out of Thomas. “Mr. Barrow,” continued in the same deep tone, “I want to ravish you.” In between kissing the pale throat, going down to Thomas’ chest, he persisted. “This is my favourite pastime,” he paused to suck a bruise into the tender flesh above Thomas’ heart. 

_  
  
_

“Let’s take this off,” Richard urged, pulling Thomas’ torso up to remove his pyjama top, pushing it off the broad shoulders. He threw it on the floor. Following Thomas’ gaze on his discarded garment, he stole his attention by licking on his newly revealed skin. “How can you still stare at it?”

“You threw it down,” Thomas groaned, turning Richard’s head to kiss him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. 

“Imagine that. And how will you punish me, Mr. Barrow?” He laid Thomas back on the bed, and bent over him, taking one nipple into his mouth, as his hands traced down his lover’s sides. His erection rubbed against Thomas’ thigh, sending a jolt of desire strong enough Richard believed he didn’t need further stimulation than Thomas half naked underneath his body, looking at him with hooded eyes to release himself.

From the panting of the other man, as he pressed hot, wet kisses down Thomas' chest, he realised that Thomas was not much better off. “I will think of something,” intoning every word with his heavy accent. Richard shivered knowing Thomas meant every word. He couldn’t wait for it to happen. 

_  
  
_

* * *

Richard’s purpose in life was to drive Thomas crazy. He had spent long, long minutes kissing, licking, nuzzling and nibbling Thomas’ skin from throat to abdomen, giving his utmost attention to the underside of Thomas’ ears, then his nipples, there were particularly long minutes in which his lover used to bathing his navel with long, wet strokes of his tongue, smirking devilishly at him from beneath his eyelashes. If Thomas had any intelligent thought left in his mind, he’d have been scheming ways for revenge. 

As it was he was a panting, sweaty, blushing mess underneath Richard’s hands, mouth and tongue. 

* * *

Richard’s cheek was resting on Thomas’ flank, feeling his lover breathing. His hand slid inside Thomas’ pyjama bottoms. He wrapped his hand gently around the half hard flesh, stroking gently, alternating between feather light caresses and a more forceful grip, his mouth leaving open mouthed kisses on Thomas’ skin.

_  
  
_

Thomas stiffened when Richard moved down on him to resume his kissing on the inside of his thighs. “Soft and hard, lean and abundant/” Richard’s voice was quiet in contrast to his usual presence. “Mine.”

Thomas awash in emotions, feelings, sensations, trembled beneath his hand, and Richard, never taking his eyes off Thomas’ face, he bent down and the tip of the hardness in the soft, wet heat of his mouth. Past similar moments were always forgotten with every new time he got to do this. Every time was like the first, with Thomas’ quiet moans and breathless urging a reminder of the other man’s long time loneliness.

Richard cherished those moments between the two of them, having earned the trust he saw in Thomas’ eyes.

  
  


Thomas gasped when warm lips wrapped around him, lavishing him with attention, a hand sneaking inside his own, bright blue eyes staring up at him. The tongue traveled down towards his entrance as attentive there as it had been to the rest of his body. An oiled finger entered him slowly as he went back to suck and lick his lover’s erection.

“You are gorgeous.” Thomas’ hand gripped his and Richard slid upwards removing his hand and mouth from his body to straddle him in one quick and unexpected move. 

Thomas’ eyes widened as Richard lowered himself slowly feelingThomas sliding inside him. “What? When did you...” 

Richard leaned down to kiss him, getting used to the fullness inside him. “After we finished with your bath,” he groaned as he gyrated his hips,taking Thomas deeper and deeper, slowly, teasing both of them. 

He wrapped his hands around Thomas’ and pulled them to his chest as he slowly rose and slid back down. “Next time, I’m going to open you slowly.” He leaned down and kissed Thomas, clenching around him. “You lift your long legs to my shoulders and I take you apart.” He gyrated his hips pushing back against Thomas who rolled his own upwards experimentally. “That’s it.”

Richard’s movements were still slow, precise. Up and down, slowly. “Your ankles on my shoulder,” he panted. “Tight around me, as I thrust inside, clenching around me so I can’t move,” he felt drops of sweat running down his back. Thomas brought his hand to hips, kissing his knuckles, adoration all over the dark eyes and flushed face, his dark hair sticking against his forehead. “I pin your hands on the bed,” he clenched and unclenched, revelling at the fullness. ‘You don’t touch yourself, you come with me, inside you, thrusting. Nothing else. Me, inside you, taking you apart.” 

Suddenly, Thomas flipped them, and Richard found himself lying on the bed, Thomas looming above him. “There you are,” he said with a sly smile, lips red and face flushed.

Thomas bit his lip as he slowly sank into Richard’s body again, unable to take his eyes away from his face. “You are gorgeous. You are. Wrap your legs around me, love.”

Richard’s long legs found their way around Thomas’ hips, and he heaved as Thomas turned his thrusts longer, deeper inside him. “What will you do to me again?” Thomas licked around his lips, and deepened the kiss, panting. 

Breaths mingling, bodies tightly wrapped in one, heart beating against heart, Thomas’s hand warm around Richard’s member, he didn’t remember his very elaborate plan of taking Thomas apart. “I will have you begging my name.”

Thomas’ eyes were darker than ever as he drove deep inside him, hitting his prostate and Richard felt his abdomen tight, his whole body clenching around Thomas. “Thomas!”

Richard found his release first, and Thomas wrapped his arms around his shoulders pulling him up into his lap, kissing him sweetly, shuddering as he came after him. He lowered his lover on the bed gently and pulled out gently. “I’m looking forward to it.”

He reached around blindly for the towel and he cleaned them the best he could. 

“And now, I need another bath.”

Richard snuggled against him and smiled sleepily. “Stop pouting. We’ll share one when we wake up.”

"I could hardly fit in that thing on my own..."

"I'll think of something." Richard said, and Thomas was certain he would.

**Author's Note:**

> Quote taken from Torchwood.  
> Title taken from Kierkegaard.  
> I'm multi-faceted, apparently.


End file.
